I just got in from being out,
drinks, thank you and farewell.
All the remaining pieces gone,
incinerated. Anyway,
it was horrible. And it has
upset me more than I had thought.
It's all over. Finished. Complete.
Everyone is moving forward
and growing up. What happens now?
So, yes, I'm emotional now.
And yes, I went out. Got real drunk.
Got hit on a few dozen times.
All harmless, ego-boosting fun.
And today was the day of the
debacle in my drunken state.
I decided it best to write
pen to paper to explain it.
It seemed a really good idea.
I am not sure what exactly
I want to say to you. Not sure
how I want you to respond, but
we always end up going over
the same shit and feelings.
So here I am, in honesty.
You were my first real boyfriend.
I convinced myself I loved you,
in fact, I loved that you loved me.
You were always kind, generous
and thoughtful and then I struggled
to remember why we were worth
longing hardship. I needed space.
Breaking up with you was the best
thing I have ever done ever.
I have learnt so much about me.
I am great at it all now and
real crazy shit, I've done it all.
Not pining for you far away;
not pining over anyone.
That doesn't mean I regret you.
You were my first. You made me feel
special and safe and loved. But I
don't think I ever truly loved
you, and my second helped me see.
Now I have met him and I think
it was love at first sight, honest.
We just clicked. And I don't love him
because he loves me. I love him
because I never want to let
go of him. I am not saying
this to hurt you, I don't want to
hurt. I am just saying the truth
I hope it helps us both move on.
We are old news. This is crazy.
We are both adults. Let's grow up.
Be civil, pleasant, but far,
please stay far, far away from me.
Let's not ruin it anymore.
The memories we have survive
they are special and I don't want
to marr them with fresh crap, fresh you.
You helped me get here. I'm grateful.
I'm drunk, was this was a bad idea?
But I've done it now. I've explained.
